Someone once advised me to minimize myself from getting into a situation where i'll face rather head-banging problems as opposed to a heartache for a while. i know im someone who learns by experience so i'll rather face problems cuz i know i'll grow and take something back, be it a learning point or sth i need to improve. i guess sometimes it's how much i am open to it or just how long i learn from it.
sigh. but i must learn not to stereotype or anticipate the person's reaction. i think too much, i don't do what must or should be done. which turns out to be worse. note to self: fire and explosion analogy. i must learn to say no, esp when im uncomfortable with the suggestion and esp when it's emotional. i must learn to how keep to my word, esp so when things are small. as they say, small ones lead to bigger ones. i need to be more frank and less accommodating esp when it's too much to accommodate for.
yes, it's rather heart-wrenching to be in this position. but i felt that the solution we both settled on was good enough, better than what i personally would have given. there are things BOTH have to change, but i suppose ive got a lil more to do so.
Learning with an open mind, helps one to accept things easier. And grow faster as well. we all shouldnt give excuses to ourselves. be it quitting smoking, drinking.
come to think of it, some words that he used were rather hurtful. ideas were overwhelming. oh well. like what i believe, i don't blame someone esp when they have my best intentions at heart. sometimes i wish i can tell the person off for scolding/ chiding me. but i cant, i wun.
lavish stuff, no one will complain too much of it. but the cable box is down. i dno why, i'll try to fix it. again =\
there are things a friend should do and shouldn't do. im sry if im rather quiet or aloof last night, i cant put my heart at it the same way. that's how it is when you have a choice. i love to spend time with your family, they have a place in my heart as so do you, without a doubt and needless to say. esp esp you, your mom and dajie. and your dad. and breeze. and steph. and the hamster. and the bonsai potato. and stitch and the puppet dolls. but i dn think i will drop by on my own accord for dinner with you all unless someone requests.
anw e soln will allow us to do our own things, grow at our own speed... i can focus on more things as well; work, family, friends, dance. and we will be happier, less the head-on madness. i want to be the amazing person in my loved ones' lives.
life is SO unpredictable. i received a msg from alvin tan. it was sent by his bro. it read that alvin had a heavy head injury but due to low bp, they cant operate on him and chances of him surviving is really slim. my heart sank. i wanted to sms alvin on tues, asking how is he and all cuz i havent spoken to him for a long while. and now, this. he's only 30 for God's sake.
always ppl ask me how i get my energy from... i always am busy, with lack of sleep but still hype up even through the day and night... my ans? i don't know. i know i seem to have a abundance of it from internally. it helps when you're happy. it does. Happiness fills you positively, gets you going. smile. tiny hops a walk. my happiness now? at least i know i have ppl who loves me. i know i have to carry on with life, being better. having to improve, reaching my goals. it's tough sometimes, yes, very much. but when you know someone out there is concern about you, you feel better. you truly live on... ...
im sry that this all have to happen when your bday is here. esp when it's the same for last year. im truly sry abt it. but i do hope you'll enjoy yourself in your drinking and partying nonetheless.
as long as you're happy... ...
iloveyou.
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