sickly blue.

=( im sick. my throat's scratchy itchy. maybe cuz it's in the night... and so i'll start coughing! so my nose is pretty blocked now. hate that feeling cuz i cant get sufficient air into my brain. feels qt f-up. now, the world's outside and im stuck indoor. in cal's house with the tv, breeze and the com. so much for my last day of clubbing. i can start work minus unit trust already. So i gotta brush up on my stuff and the worse is im being pressured now to get things done by this week.

sheesh. free, mei and cheryl are at zirca, and what's most saddening is that this is the last wk for her in sg before she flies back to uk.

cal, alex, louis, brandon and brandon's girl are at butter. i was supposed to go with peiwen to club tonight regardless of venue. oh well, gotta do so next time then.

i wanted to be rebellious and go against what calvin said. "go n dont ever come back", "go back home", etc when i was telling alex on the phone abt me wanting to go club. i was just that inch closer to doing so but i guess im glad i didn't cuz i know he has good intention of making me stay home. cuz i really needed my rest and that im not feeling well. but saying those were really harsh. Leveraging on my dad (even without his "permission") is still way nicer than saying those in " ". honestly, it rings in my mind. must have been pretty bad/ traumatic to have sth leave a deep impression esp when it stays in the head. wasn't THAT upset but if his tone was a lil meaner, im sure i would have strong-headed/ stubbornly done sth foolish like agreeing and grab my stuff outta room. honestly, im really relieved that i was clear-headed enough to think.

Sometimes it's really tough to "just say/ tell me whatever you think" cuz i know if i do so, i'm really screaming out for trouble. i could have told him off many a times how nasty/ ridiculous/ horrendous/ utter absurd he was, but i chose not to do so atm. cuz by screaming out for negative attention is the worst move. esp with friends around. for example, ytd with alex and gang, he took my an pan jap pancake and refused to return to me. even after shoving it in my face twice asking if i want, didn't make me move an inch/ reply after the first time i couldn't get it back. and it was only when the pancake was half eaten that it was on the table, in front of me. i really wanted to just leave it there when we were leaving. it definitely would have brewed a storm cuz of my strong-headedness. but, i believe in a relationship, we give and take and complement. no point fighting with someone who was just hungry yet teasing. SIGH. cuz i think he tolerated me as much as i do. i dno how to judge quantity but at least i know of examples to back me up with.

he has his moodiness, i have my randomness. both are nonsense lar. but i enjoy times when we both laugh and smile and tease and bicker and at the end of the day, they are memories that keep us going... think back and smile. for we've been thru really happy ones. we say the same thing, we laughed at each other, we poke fun at one another...

Come to think of it, it took me a long while to be able to laugh at myself. cuz sometimes, i do the most silly stuff, say the most silly things, coin the weirdest words. but the egotistical me gets the better of me still... hmm.

Michelle just asked on my wall if i wanna go butter this sat. well, we'll see abt that again after i ask calvin.

ytd was real hectic man travelling up and down is more than costly. it's draining.
went killiney at pomo for my breakkie then ps to withdraw money to pay my sch fee which is where i headed next. then rushed to parkview for trg. later went back to orchard to meet calvin and alex and friends. was pretty tired already but went for a game of left4dead.

And that was what left me tossing and turning in bed cuz of the scenes in the game. normal mode was tougher. and 2hrs of it did pass by real quickly. yet the images stayed vividly in my mind. nice, so nice. i was so tempted to occupy the space next to cal (which somehow he asked me mins before that he's gonna leave space for me. i dno his reason. but seemed pretty psychic huh!). but no, i din have the heart to wake the already-fast-asleep him up. good gracious me...

im feeling all blue. sian, gotta be up early later at 9am so gotta get to bed soon to recuperate anw. see you all later then world.

love,
me