sets in...

i am, but myself. i know i exists for people. (half) my reason, suddenly, seems missing. i feel like i cant do anything anymore. i will, but i don't live truly by my motto.

reality sets in even more now, sinks into the thick skull. no rhyme, no reason, no justification. it is, in no sense anymore.

i will not find a rebound, like what you've said. but worse off, i don't think i'll get emotionally attached to anyone even when i date. cuz i can't bring myself to go through this sort of draining process. it hurts. and maybe, just maybe, no one will make me feel this same way of elation.

materialistically, time and money may tell. but deep inside, i know my answer. and i wish i know yours. and how i wish even more that i can tell the future. you know how i like to read- front, middle n end; sometimes, i just skip the middle.

i just feel empty now. i don't know how now. i am lost.

for you.

Alcohol, take care of yourself and keeping your words.

Some 3 things that appears to be difficult to do, esp the first 2.

Suddenly, i feel very lost at this moment. like what i said, i feel so much but i cant put the right words to the feelings. it's like a turmoil inside. it's like a tornado. i didn't tear as much as anyone else would normally do, but it's the inner massive destruction that hasn't been expressed outward yet. it'll definitely take some time to be. and if that happens, i think no one and nothing can stop me. emotional wreck. right now, i know my face is blanked out. featureless. sad.

i'll never forget how it feels like to be sitting there, just before the "meyer rd" sign. that place will never be the same again. sitting there talking abt the break-up, talking abt the past and future. i wished i could stay there the whole night, for i know that we'll not do that again. i never knew how you felt all, i guess i nv will.

i know you read this blog, it'll be nice to see your comments sometime k? call me out for a coffee sometimes. i'll try to do the same. try. emo sms minimal. u gotta stick around anw.

thank you, calvin. for the happy and sad times, for going the ups and downs with me. for making my life colourful. at the very least, you make me happy. you make me smile. you make me realise i can be a better person. at least i know, i can be important to someone. i can make ppl change. and i love you, always do.

it's not going to be easy. everywhere i go, everything i see, esp in my room, i see things of us. memories of us. i'll try to let go, *shakes head* not gg to be an easy task. u have half of me, letting go half of myself feels not right. every night, my bears and stitches i have to see, reminds me of us. i guess i stubbornly will not put them away.

well, we'll enjoy this trip tog, try to. i dno how to face you and your parents. i dno how to appear in front of them. what should i do, tell me please?

there is, a future for us, to be seen or predicted?

will not be, will never be?

deep inside, i'm hoping it'll be, will be.

and you think.

After gym on tues, i was talking to my sis while in the changing room. later, she texted me and she mention:

Just cherish and grow. Those who give u chances despite ur failings are those who truly understand u.

I have been pondering on it whenever i see the sms. Feelings within me, i can't explain. And while packing my table, i came across the envelope which i scribbled lots of things on. Sth that hit me qt abit was changes must come from within. You must first want to change.

Sis smsed before the previous msg, Don't stress yourself on unnecessary stuff. Time is precious so cherish and put all ur best on the best things in life! Everything has it's reasons and purpose... ;)

I'll leave it open-ended. But truly, smiles abound the sadness. you'll understand it then.

Happy am i to spend time with you. be it just a tan and a movie and a quick breakkie. and to solve the qn after your given clue, real cool, delighted.

I wish i knew God's reasons and plans. Albeit not knowing, we all live lives still figuring it. Auntie Anne told me to enjoy the holiday, i can't rmb what preluded to it. thinkthinkthink.

PS: happy birthday nana (: hope you are doing alright there...

winner at a losing game.

by Rascal Flatts

Baby, look here at me
Have you ever seen me this way?
I've been fumblin' for words
Through the tears and the hurt and the pain.
I'm gonna lay it all out
On the line tonight.
And I think that it's time
To tell this uphill fight goodbye.

Chorus:
Have you ever had to love someone
That just don't feel the same?
Tryin' to make somebody care for you
The way I do
Is like tryin' to catch the rain.
And if love is really forever,
I'm a winner at a losin' game.

I know that baby, you've tried
To find me somewhere inside of you.
But, you know you can't lie
girl you can't hide the truth.oh noo
Sometimes two hearts
Just can't dance to the same beat.
So I'll pack up my things,
And I'll take what remains of me.

(CHORUS)

BRIDGE:
I know that I'll never be the man that you need or love
Yeah, baby it's killin' me to stand here and see
I'm not what you've been dreamin' of

(CHORUS)

Oh, oh, oh, if love is really forever
I'm a winner at a losin' game!

Oh, oh im tired of losin'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has this country feel, with very lovely beat and lyrics. wow. but i hear and looked outta window, of the bus and train and everything with the transparent thing. And i wonder what's it supposed to feel really. is it like this, or is it sth else? i kept thinking, but to no avail. i cant figure what i really feel. perplexed.

manyathinking.

I lost my motivation to even wake up, so my body sleeps for long. like way longer than it's supposed to be. it's bad, it could be as long as 10hrs. i used to sleep like that, yes, but i got used to even jus 5hrs. anw, sleeping is a pleasure.

Nana's back to Philippines and we're to get everything tog at home altogether. but i feel closer to my family- gg gym with terri, having dinner with mommy and daddy, taking time to even just chat with sherri for half an hour before rushing off. you know, these small activities do help.

I heard your voice, all chirpy and upbeat, got me feeling happy. got me thinking... but i'll keep what i thought out of blog. i'm just happy for you to be happy. cuz it is impt to me. SIGH.

I asked Auntie for the itinerary for the trip cuz i wanna visit cousin in London! but she told me that will probably confirm at the tour agency on fri. requested to revert the plans AND cost then. Then she told me that we'll speak soon and goodnight. Ouhkay. Friday's tml. heh! And no, i wouldn't give you even half of it, Calvin, you wish harder okay!

Got a jab for my rash last night. I'll rather a jab than a slower curing oral medicine. Anw, doc said it's probably allergy (don't know to what) but triggered by either food or mosquito bite while in Tg Pinang. Since sun when i was back.

Tg Pinang was destressing. Lovely night sky i have to sky! too bad, couldn't take the halo over the moon. oh well, no choice, camera din allow. but it was pretty awesome! diving trips should be the same as well, i reckon! yay! can't wait can't wait.

Still thinking should i go zoukout or not. Pretty pricey things for a clubbin event sorta. well, and it's okay free and char that i know gg. not much of motivation or things to look out for leh. well, still thinking.... ....

okay, waiting for sherri reply me on where the cable to the LG phone is. i wanna upload the jab photo to fb! my first jab outside mandatory grounds k!! =P was so excited that my doc allowed and posed for me la, so cute eh! well then, much said, listening to music and online when i'm to study my MM. Back to paper pages now. Cya!

xoxo,

cherri

PS: i dno how to go gym with a weak left arm. crap! =\ oh and L4D2 is out LONG ago and i havent use the frying pan or guitar to whack zombies!! RARR!!

i'm sorry.

i wish i didn't feel emo the whole day, then i guess i would have enjoyed my day even more. while waiting for my friend to pick me up, after camwhoring, i decided to view my past photos. I watched the videos we took. Laughed so hard at this particular one which was taken in the Cathy. With the two bears. so farnie, i laughed so hard and had to repeat it at least 3 times.

But i felt worse after that. Cuz it made me realise how i really miss times tog, miss you.

RARR.

miss you...

listen.

and there i sat, listening to the music being played. and on comes jason mraz... twice.

i so wanted to send you a msg, a part of the lyrics. but i held back.

i rmb we said not to send emo msges.

i listened on, sang along, thinking of the good times while i indulged in b&j.

and since i cant send such unconventional smses, i can only say it here.

that i miss holding your arm and hand.

that i miss you. havent seen you, your face, your smell.

i wonder if you do too.

and lovely lyrics you shared, i just dl-ed the songs. shall listen later.

i wonder if you miss me too...

yue ding.

Listening to the piano start, it brought me back to the familiar tune i've heard when i'm at a bar. (most of the newer chinese songs i hear them in bars... and i learnt them there too.) Like shifted paradigm, i time-traveled back to those instances in bars. Especially those sweet times. Those times you did things that made me smile. Those times i hear songs that nearly make me tear.

You told me that you wanna cry cuz of this song. i told you dont cause i will before you. And i know certainly i will....

And listening again to the song, reading the words... Tears welled up... oh well...

Life's been crazy... the weird colourful. but it's not the colourful that i want...

sometimes love comes around.

i'm glad it was the earphone that was problematic, not the mp3 player. i've been waiting and trying to see if it's the player. finally, tried on with another earphone and found the root of it. i would have been very upset to know my belated present would be spoilt just abt a month with me, you know. and especially knowing myself being sentimental, it would have been rather devastating. Thank God.

I've got too many things to do, too little time. Someone just help me out maybe? My 24hrs is already maxed out (just like the credit limit of a credit card). I don't seem to sleep enough now, unless i'm forced to. perhaps that's why i like sleeping over at his place. anw, i guess i feel like doing the procrastinated stuff like packing up my table... i'll most probably end up sleeping in class later. or maybe during bfc as well.

I really feel like going on a hiatus. Cold wintery holiday. mmm... the sound of it is rather yummy hurhur. But really, i do hope so. Tanjong Pinang should be a good start, hopefully.

Sometimes ignorance is a bliss yet ironically, human are curious. and curiosity kills the cat. Some thoughts or events can be heart-wrenching when thought upon. Even songs i used to love saddens me. Eyelid twitches, refusal to continue. But i press on to face it. Blame me for being stubborn. But i'm persistent. I believe what i want to believe in unless you convince me. now, it isn't really that difficult to get me to your camp, if i see a reason to. That simple; just reason things out.

Okay, today ain't as bad as ytd. But we din get to blade today. But i got photos uploaded. Got work done. Sch work not done. Made people happy. Made others sad. Deep inside, i feel empty sometimes. But i struggle on. very mao dun at times, i admit.

At every stage and junction in life, we face different problems, different people. Ultimately, it says one thing. Determination to get to where you want to be.

And in life, i want to be happy.

iloveyou.

Watcha Say?

You feel better this way without us quarrelling?

Sure, the big time quarrels got me suicidal. But I miss the small bickers. Those tsks. Those eye-gorging replies/ reactions. I think i can cope with everything else that's in my path. Doctor advised exercise and better slping n eating patterns/ habits. And my parents don't know what im going through. Sisters know about me seeing the doc only. Jogs help me to relieve/ destress.

Blading with you makes me smile. I think alot after those sessions. It's nice to see you happily blading fast, carefree. Teases. Talks. And the nature helps me think a little better than urbanized parts of this small dot. I'm better now, the wounds on my palms are healing pretty fast (: no worries. next time, i'll get the guards so that i can try stunts more daringly! =D

_watcha say?_____________

[Chorus]
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did you say
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
(Jason Derulo)
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is

[Verse 1]
I was so wrong for so long
Only tryin´ to please myself (myself)
Girl I was caught up in her lust
When I don´t really want no one else
So no I know I should of treated you better
But me and you were meant to last forever

[Hook]
So let me in (let me in) give me another chance (another chance)
To really be your man
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn´t know what to do
But when I become a star we´ll be living so large
I´ll do anything for you
So tell me girl

[Chorus]
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Whatcha say (whatcha say)
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say?

[Verse 2]
How could I live with myself
Knowing that I let our love go (love go)
And ooh what I do with one chance
I just gotta let you know
I know what I did wasn´t clever
But me and you we´re meant to be together

[Hook]
So let me in (let me in) give me another chance (another chance)
To really be your man
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn´t know what to do
But when I become a star we´ll be living so large
I´ll do anything for you
So tell me girl

[Chorus]
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Whatcha say (whatcha say)
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say?


[Verse 3]
Girl tell me what to say I (say I)
I don´t want you to leave me
Though you caught me cheatin´
Tell me tell me what to say I (say I)
I really need you in my life
Cuz things ain´t right girl

Tell me tell me what to say I (say I)
I don´t want you to leave me
Though you caught me cheatin´
Tell me tell me what to say I (say I)
I really need you in my life
Cuz things ain´t right

[Hook]
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn´t know what to do
But when I become a star we´ll be living so large
I´ll do anything for you
So baby whatcha say!

[Chorus]
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Whatcha say (whatcha say)
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say?

NOW I FKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HELPLESSNESS REALLY REALLY MEAN.

When you're up at 6.30am, saw 3 sms and a missed call all from the same person. and you really want punch yourself for not switching your phone to normal mode after you were ensured that he's fine. And then you called back only to find that you feel that you falling aslp didn't mean anything but crap. and you cant do anything at the moment to turn back 3hrs ago and that the person's not well and you cant drive all the way down. the least bit of consolation? he can take the cab and get home himself now. you feel rotten. i feel worse.

Evacuate the dancefloor.

Turn up the music
Let's get out on the floor
I like to move it
Come and give me some more
Watch me gettin' physical
Out of control
There's people watchin' me
I never miss a beat

Steal the night
Kill the lights
Feel it under your skin
Time is right
Keep it tight
Cause it's pulling you in
Wrap it up
Can't stop cause it feels like an overdose
(Feels like an overdose)

Oh, oh, evacuate the dancefloor
Oh, oh, I'm infected by the sound
Oh, oh, stop, this beat is killing me
[Hey, Dr.DJ let the music take me underground]

Everybody in the club
Evacuate the dancefloor
Oh, oh, I'm infected by the sound
Everybody in the club
Stop, this beat is killing me
[Hey, Dr.DJ come burn this place right down to the ground]

My body's aching
System overload
Temperatures rising
I'm about to explode
Watch me I'm intoxicating taking the show
It's got me hypnotized
Everybody step aside

Steal the night
Kill the lights
Feel it under your skin
Time is right
Keep it tight
Cause it's pulling you in
Wrap it up
Can't stop cause it feels like an overdose
(Feels like an overdose)

Oh, oh, evacuate the dancefloor
Oh, oh, I'm infected by the sound
Oh, oh, stop, this beat is killing me
[Hey, Dr.DJ let the music take me underground]

Everybody in the club
Evacuate the dancefloor
Oh, oh, I'm infected by the sound
Everybody in the club
Stop, this beat is killing me
[Hey, Dr.DJ come burn this place right down to the ground]

Come on and evacuate
Feel the club is heating up
Move on and accelerate
Push it to the top
Come on and evacuate
Feel the club is heating up
Move on and accelerate
You don't have to be afraid

Now guess who's back with a brand new track
That got everybody in the club going mad
So everybody in the back
Get your back up on the wall and just shake that thang
Go crazy, yo lady, yo baby
Let me see you wreck that thang
And drop it down low, low
Let me see you take it to the dancefloor, yo

Everybody in the club
Evacuate the dancefloor
Everybody in the club
I'm infected by the sound
Everybody in the club
Stop, this beat is killing me
[Hey Dr.DJ let the music take me underground]

Oh, oh, evacuate the dancefloor
Oh, oh, I'm infected by the sound
Oh, oh, stop, this beat is killing me
[Hey, Dr.DJ let the music take me underground]

Everybody in the club
Evacuate the dancefloor
Oh, oh, I'm infected by the sound
Everybody in the club
Stop, this beat is killing me
[Hey, Dr.DJ come burn this place right down to the ground]

-----------------------------------------------

Stuck in my head. Upbeat maniac hurhurhur! =P

It's getting itchy here man! Go sleep, cherri, sleep!!

I had fun blading today. The peak of excitement? Nearly crashed into the huge board at the new skate park at ecp. thanks to calvin, he broke my fall before i fell. or i most prob would be having a broken nose now or ankle or so! thank you yo! =D and for the technical stuff on my lappie and mp3! =)) yay <3

cherri

Down.

Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down,
Down, down
Ooh (ohhh)

You oughta know, tonight is the night to let it go,
Put on a show, I wanna see how you lose control,

So leave it behind 'cause we, have a night to get away,
So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape.

So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down,

Just let it be, come on and bring your body next to me,
I'll take you away, hey, turn this place into our private getaway,

So leave it behind 'cause we, have a night to get away,
So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape,
(So why don't we run away)

So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down,

(LiL Wayne)
Even if the sky is falling down like she 'posed to be,
She gets down low for me,
Down like her temperature, cause to me she zero degrees,
She cold, over freeze,
I got that girl from overseas,
Now she my miss America,
Now can I be her soldier please,
I'm fighting for this girl,
On a battlefield of love,
Don't it look like baby cupid sendin arrows from above,
Don't you ever leave the side of me,
Indefinitely, not probably,
And honestly I'm down like the economy,
Yeahhhhhh

So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Down, Down,
Even if the sky is falling down

------------------------

Pretty sweet, aint it? (:

and when...

And just when i thought i could handle the world by myself,

i crumble into streams and rivers with uncontrollable shivers.

and when i thought i gathered myself already,

the arm which pulled me back from the door,

gathered me to my source of warm and love.

And the cycle continues... ...

What's more wonderful about it was that

pillows and bolsters fight we're bound to,

happy smacking physical pain we inflict each time

laughed and jeered with each try of cheat and mischief,

ended up with cold dark room of a bigger picture.

I held it all in without fail,

a try or two they had tried to fall,

strong-willed and prideful i am,

none of this ever came to my wildest dreams,

to fall into the arms i fell out of.

22nd yo.

And i wish you a very happy birthday + 1 day today...

Well, for the wrong sized presents, they will be corrected. For the smiles and laughters, warmth of family, i hope you appreciated them all. Well, it's a consolation for me at least you enjoyed the cake. At least efforts seem to paid off. And see you smile, that's the most comforting reason to everything. that's the thank you that said it all.

And that's why i love celebrating birthdays. esp celebrating with and for the people you love. For when they smile and filled with happiness, the love goes around. Cuz that's what's most impt to me.

I learnt sth this morning... as much as i wanted you to rest cuz you sounded really in deep slp, i woke u up. i learnt not to decide for you; do things that have been agreed on and let you decide.

And i actually am glad i did so. Breakfast was simple yet sweet, lovely. Awesomely chocolatey; filled with warmth. xie xie ni, cal.

will enjoy the music on the way to sch... like soon... off i go to a very long day ahead. ciaos.

swt autumn night,

Orgo is a nice place to hang out and chill. maybe the next time i go, i'll take the pretty angle that i adore- temperate climate looking trees in the background and the stylish indoor glasses in the foreground. pretty awesome chandelier black lights with reflections on the glasses. i dno how words can describe, the best is done by the picture. well, it says a thousand words, as the saying goes.

Someone once advised me to minimize myself from getting into a situation where i'll face rather head-banging problems as opposed to a heartache for a while. i know im someone who learns by experience so i'll rather face problems cuz i know i'll grow and take something back, be it a learning point or sth i need to improve. i guess sometimes it's how much i am open to it or just how long i learn from it.

sigh. but i must learn not to stereotype or anticipate the person's reaction. i think too much, i don't do what must or should be done. which turns out to be worse. note to self: fire and explosion analogy. i must learn to say no, esp when im uncomfortable with the suggestion and esp when it's emotional. i must learn to how keep to my word, esp so when things are small. as they say, small ones lead to bigger ones. i need to be more frank and less accommodating esp when it's too much to accommodate for.

yes, it's rather heart-wrenching to be in this position. but i felt that the solution we both settled on was good enough, better than what i personally would have given. there are things BOTH have to change, but i suppose ive got a lil more to do so.

Learning with an open mind, helps one to accept things easier. And grow faster as well. we all shouldnt give excuses to ourselves. be it quitting smoking, drinking.

come to think of it, some words that he used were rather hurtful. ideas were overwhelming. oh well. like what i believe, i don't blame someone esp when they have my best intentions at heart. sometimes i wish i can tell the person off for scolding/ chiding me. but i cant, i wun.

lavish stuff, no one will complain too much of it. but the cable box is down. i dno why, i'll try to fix it. again =\

there are things a friend should do and shouldn't do. im sry if im rather quiet or aloof last night, i cant put my heart at it the same way. that's how it is when you have a choice. i love to spend time with your family, they have a place in my heart as so do you, without a doubt and needless to say. esp esp you, your mom and dajie. and your dad. and breeze. and steph. and the hamster. and the bonsai potato. and stitch and the puppet dolls. but i dn think i will drop by on my own accord for dinner with you all unless someone requests.

anw e soln will allow us to do our own things, grow at our own speed... i can focus on more things as well; work, family, friends, dance. and we will be happier, less the head-on madness. i want to be the amazing person in my loved ones' lives.

life is SO unpredictable. i received a msg from alvin tan. it was sent by his bro. it read that alvin had a heavy head injury but due to low bp, they cant operate on him and chances of him surviving is really slim. my heart sank. i wanted to sms alvin on tues, asking how is he and all cuz i havent spoken to him for a long while. and now, this. he's only 30 for God's sake.

always ppl ask me how i get my energy from... i always am busy, with lack of sleep but still hype up even through the day and night... my ans? i don't know. i know i seem to have a abundance of it from internally. it helps when you're happy. it does. Happiness fills you positively, gets you going. smile. tiny hops a walk. my happiness now? at least i know i have ppl who loves me. i know i have to carry on with life, being better. having to improve, reaching my goals. it's tough sometimes, yes, very much. but when you know someone out there is concern about you, you feel better. you truly live on... ...

im sry that this all have to happen when your bday is here. esp when it's the same for last year. im truly sry abt it. but i do hope you'll enjoy yourself in your drinking and partying nonetheless.
as long as you're happy... ...

iloveyou.

curry rice was nice. lan was fun. but what's fun when your companion isn't one?

i wanted to type how much i enjoyed myself ytd... how much i enjoyed my day and night...

not tonight not tonight.

----------------------------------

lying on my sofa, dark it is. under my quilt, lonely it feels.

where's right here by my side when you need someone, but your bear?

i feel crappy, belittled it seems. though others see otherwise, the one who i cares for most doesn't.

im thinking hard on the repercussions, left and right... back and forth...

i wish God would hint to me.ie

i'd rather suffer from too much happiness.

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down." - Woody Allen

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who had been called according to his purpose" - Romans 8: 28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" - Matthew 11:28

"God is always for you and that he who begins a good work in you will perfect it till the day of Christ" - Philipians 1:6

"Opportunity presents itself for those who are prepared for it."
"Encourage even the smallest positive change in a person... and not criticise or condemn"

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and unseen. Only when you trust even without a need to 'see' then will you begin to understand and trust.

travail d'amour

Desmond shared this on facebook:

travail d'amour... (Labour of Love...)

Sun at 6:26am

It takes two hearts to form a picture,

And many pieces of it to create fractures,

But fractures as it may sound,

It can always be fixed all around.

To be apart may sometimes fix thy hearts,

It matters when together again comes thy hearts,

Do not be fooled when being apart,

Shall not be tempted to stay apart.

For when two hearts come together again,

Thy Love will be ever stronger than seastorms of rain.

Withstand this agonizing test of time,

And Fruits of Love thou shall reap in time.

with smiles.

Slept in. Body couldn't take 20hrs on 3hrs of slp. not for a long time.

Sent mooncakes over to Cal's. couldnt get the 4 flavours one from fairmont, so ended up with baileys... anw since he likes it, it's good. hahaha if not no one will eat. Went to catch Surrogate with Calvin at Kallang Leisure. Rather thought provoking movie. About us human missing out on the human touch. How everything seem so perfect in the surrogate world albeit the machinery. hmm... ...

Arcade. stuffed toys and daytona. got thrashed =( din know can drift one! pretty impressed actually! hahaha oh well, next time i'll try! =) heh, coconut head was kidnapped. cant believe i dont remember indiana jones. i couldnt match the movie title to the theme song that i randomly sang omg even after tons of hints. No wall, just pole hahaha.

Went Cyberdome at Le Meridien to find Freesia, Charissa and Joe. Couldn't find the place. So ulu. Played L4D. I've never played with other friends except Calvin. Once, joined another 2 players for advance mode. But other than that, i've always had guidance from him. Haha, so come just now, couldn't find the place and all. hahaha. I thought i was bad...! then Cal came and Killing Floor seems rather cool. Quote him, " Killing Floor is like L4D meet CS". HAha mutated beings and monsters with load of weapons that you can purchase. And weld. wth. Katana seems rather nice. but nth beats the thought of chainsaw. whee!

had supper with them and john. talked qt a bit and yup i drove a manual van back to my place!! Whee. Poor john and joe. haha so bad, they laughed at me so much. lack of practise is so embarrassing =( got too used to auto cars alr and come to think of it, i've never drove a manual car out to the express way and town! wow.

alright, gotta be in bed now. hv to be up by 7.15 latest. LONG day later! work trg, sch, (thinkin of wad in between), church svc (first time gg! to my sisters' svc), butter (most prob i think). it's mid-autumn festival today!! ahhaha must eat the rabbit mooncupcake with my family! =)

i had fun today and night. thank you all (:

Fame.

The movie, reminded me of how much i miss the performing arts. How much i hold dearly arts is to me. How i miss dance. It is a good way to remind us all that we have talents in us that are yet to be discovered and it's only you, met with the opportunities, that can unleash them.

It reminded me also that life isn't easy and trying times are events that help us grow. Whenever we take a step back, we also move ahead even further and faster than we already are. But the only person who can hinder you from growing, is yourself. So, persist and be reminded of your reason why you are there.

God doesn't throw obstacles at us that are too difficult to overcome. It's us who make it difficult. He presents difficulties that are manageable for our souls to grow as we overcome the obstacles. He shows us the way with signs, be it dreams, people or verses. Even feelings are too.

Job is a book of trials and tribulations that we can seek enlightenment from, while Proverbs helps us to remember how we should lead our lives. Men and women are different in the eyes of the Lord.

I'll grow and learn and overcome difficulties... i shall not be defeated. i must be strong and have faith. to see myself through.

"Behold, this is the joy of His way,

And out of the earth others will grow.

Behold, God will not cast away the blameless,

Nor will He uphold the evildoers.

He will yet fill your mouth with laughing,

And your lips with rejoicing.

Those who hate you will be clothed with shame.

And the dwelling place of the wicked will come to nothing"

- Job 8:19- 22

We loved with a love that was more than love. ~Edgar Allan Poe

first days.

First day of work and school... Din go work, went to see doc. couldnt drag myself outta bed, slept late, couldnt slp. seen the doc. had mc. got to sch late. bachata perf, so got myself a long toilet break ahaha. went to see the sports recruitment too. level 4 hall. saw dajie n janice. was first on their recruitment list. right. though i miss dance, i wanna try sth new. bring out the athletic part of me.

long day... 12 to 6.30. CF then ESAP. the latter was boring. like YAWNS. dang.

ended ESAP early before 6pm. Took 75 to tg pagar. fell aslp on the bus. wow. anw walked to chinatown. met calvin for dinner. porridge place. had raw fish n veg. and peanut butter and jelly brownie from P.Osh that he bought. very nice blend. went to katong to play l4d. normal mode. 2hrs.

Daunt. Vexed. Flustered.

I dno how to face him.. the nearer i was to chinatown, the more i wanna turn away cuz i dno what to expect. But when i saw him, everything seemed like it used to. made me guess the flavour of brownie all the way to the porridge place. things and time that made me laugh and smile. When you held my hands, i felt like everything's serene. and for the first time these days, i dn feel blue. i wanted it to not end.

I will make my chicken stew later. i know i wannna cook it. i know also that if it makes someone happy, i will go out to do so. i sometimes dno why i will do so too. but when i see that smile and elation and ecstatic and excitement, everything seemed worth putting the effort and going all out for. as long as i feel appreciated, i'm happy too.

me

Whenever i hear the horn of the ship vessels out at sea off the east shores, i'm reminded of how close i was to the sea and beach... how close i was to you.

take the lead.

If you trust the guy to lead, you're trusting him... and yourself.

Maybe i haven't been trusting myself that i can do what i set my mind to, that's why i don't get the results that i want and need. I have to.

Dance is about teamwork and respect.

Similar to a relationship. Both parties need to compromise and work together, not apart. Respect the decisions and see the reasons behind them.

I was watching Take The Lead. Though i fell asleep, i caught half of it in total. I miss dancing. i love the confidence i had. i need it back in me, in my life. that's me. i have to find it back bad.

dead.

just kill me.

im not thinking.

i suffering from insomnia.

nth's of interest anymore. not even chocolate.

my bear is my best friend. my comfort (minimal to speak of).

no point trying to think, my brain's dead and so is my heart atm.

leaving myself alone (or in front of the tv) is not a good thing.

i feel drained.

i know i have to find myself. i know i have to reflect and think. but i dont have the energy to do anything already. i jus wanna lie in bed right now. slp and slp. and slp.

i feel like disappearing now. period.

sickly blue.

=( im sick. my throat's scratchy itchy. maybe cuz it's in the night... and so i'll start coughing! so my nose is pretty blocked now. hate that feeling cuz i cant get sufficient air into my brain. feels qt f-up. now, the world's outside and im stuck indoor. in cal's house with the tv, breeze and the com. so much for my last day of clubbing. i can start work minus unit trust already. So i gotta brush up on my stuff and the worse is im being pressured now to get things done by this week.

sheesh. free, mei and cheryl are at zirca, and what's most saddening is that this is the last wk for her in sg before she flies back to uk.

cal, alex, louis, brandon and brandon's girl are at butter. i was supposed to go with peiwen to club tonight regardless of venue. oh well, gotta do so next time then.

i wanted to be rebellious and go against what calvin said. "go n dont ever come back", "go back home", etc when i was telling alex on the phone abt me wanting to go club. i was just that inch closer to doing so but i guess im glad i didn't cuz i know he has good intention of making me stay home. cuz i really needed my rest and that im not feeling well. but saying those were really harsh. Leveraging on my dad (even without his "permission") is still way nicer than saying those in " ". honestly, it rings in my mind. must have been pretty bad/ traumatic to have sth leave a deep impression esp when it stays in the head. wasn't THAT upset but if his tone was a lil meaner, im sure i would have strong-headed/ stubbornly done sth foolish like agreeing and grab my stuff outta room. honestly, im really relieved that i was clear-headed enough to think.

Sometimes it's really tough to "just say/ tell me whatever you think" cuz i know if i do so, i'm really screaming out for trouble. i could have told him off many a times how nasty/ ridiculous/ horrendous/ utter absurd he was, but i chose not to do so atm. cuz by screaming out for negative attention is the worst move. esp with friends around. for example, ytd with alex and gang, he took my an pan jap pancake and refused to return to me. even after shoving it in my face twice asking if i want, didn't make me move an inch/ reply after the first time i couldn't get it back. and it was only when the pancake was half eaten that it was on the table, in front of me. i really wanted to just leave it there when we were leaving. it definitely would have brewed a storm cuz of my strong-headedness. but, i believe in a relationship, we give and take and complement. no point fighting with someone who was just hungry yet teasing. SIGH. cuz i think he tolerated me as much as i do. i dno how to judge quantity but at least i know of examples to back me up with.

he has his moodiness, i have my randomness. both are nonsense lar. but i enjoy times when we both laugh and smile and tease and bicker and at the end of the day, they are memories that keep us going... think back and smile. for we've been thru really happy ones. we say the same thing, we laughed at each other, we poke fun at one another...

Come to think of it, it took me a long while to be able to laugh at myself. cuz sometimes, i do the most silly stuff, say the most silly things, coin the weirdest words. but the egotistical me gets the better of me still... hmm.

Michelle just asked on my wall if i wanna go butter this sat. well, we'll see abt that again after i ask calvin.

ytd was real hectic man travelling up and down is more than costly. it's draining.
went killiney at pomo for my breakkie then ps to withdraw money to pay my sch fee which is where i headed next. then rushed to parkview for trg. later went back to orchard to meet calvin and alex and friends. was pretty tired already but went for a game of left4dead.

And that was what left me tossing and turning in bed cuz of the scenes in the game. normal mode was tougher. and 2hrs of it did pass by real quickly. yet the images stayed vividly in my mind. nice, so nice. i was so tempted to occupy the space next to cal (which somehow he asked me mins before that he's gonna leave space for me. i dno his reason. but seemed pretty psychic huh!). but no, i din have the heart to wake the already-fast-asleep him up. good gracious me...

im feeling all blue. sian, gotta be up early later at 9am so gotta get to bed soon to recuperate anw. see you all later then world.

love,
me

simple things that make me smile.

Hello,
shall keep this short cuz it's really hot to be in a sweater when it isn't cold. Anw, had a pretty long day out but it's pretty enjoyable.

Went with cal to see his timetable then got soya bean drink from selegie soy bean. we went ps to pretty much hang ard. time passed pretty fast as we window shopped. walked back to selegie and green tea frappe from starbucks became my companion along with Allan and Barbara Pease's Body Language. Awesome book that's taking me uber long to finish cuz i dn wanna miss out any details.

Had dinner at the jap place at Pomo. Before that, we went to the toy-catching machine (do you even have a name for them?!) Anw $2 for 2 Scrump. Caught one each try. Omg i was laughing pretty hard cuz the 2nd one, the clip got caught with the side of the toy. Anw dinner was fried salmon skin, yummy chicken drumstick and curry rice with pork n chicken.



This is Scrump. Lilo's toy in the movie. <3 btw, this is not my actual pic.

Hopped down to Ion Orchard and gave aishah a visit at topshop. A&W diet soda from marketplace. Caught The Time Traveller's Wife at Cineleisure.

I felt pretty sad cuz well, one is that the wife has to bear the death and all of the guy. secondly, everytime he travels through time, he may be gone for pretty long and the worse is the uncertainty of being in danger. it's daunting i have to admit. it's that kind of heart-wrenching but simple kinda love. It's a show worthwhile to catch. Which also reminds me that i should go read the book. hmm, like all other books i have yet to complete. or touch for that matter.

That one hour before the movie... Left4dead. Omg i couldn't imagine myself actually being pretty calm less the one off scream. Yeah i know it's on easy mode. But still, i have a sense of accomplishment. haha sue me for cheap pleasure.

To summarize, i love spending time with you, Calvin. Simple things that make me smile. yay. hearts you hun! love.

xoxo, me

My girl.

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Ooooh, Hoooo.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Talkin' bout my girl.
I've got sushine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of May With my girl.

--------------------------------------------------

i suddenly started singing this song.... well, for a lil while when im supposed to be pretty much trying to slp. cant help but wanna check out the whole lyrics you see... yay i can slp now.

xoxo,
cherri

*pouts*

I checked my results online. and now, i'm thinking very much of what is the right step to take next. Should i take an extra year to do 5, 2 subjects. Or should i just do 7 subs in one year?

I know the consequences behind both decisions. But still i'm undecided at the moment of which is the better way to go about with my academics.

I went for a jog just now and the cool weather helped me to last longer but still, i feel as bad. I've snacked qt a bit today already and i guess a swim and tan tml may probably help even more. Ultimately, i know myself better i guess. I just have to cope with more things.

I have to improve my time management alot this time round... to juggle with work, studies, family and calvin. Hmm... i gotta give it a proper think through this time around. cuz it's pretty much a make or break instance.

I did think about changing unis as well but... maybe that would be the last thing i should consider.

Sigh i cant help but sigh. My camera's not working and it's not helping either since i love to take my surroundings esp my food. Oh well. Hopefully outing with steph tml, shopping and dinner will take my mind off a little. I'm thinking of gg to butter or sth... have a drink with steph and listen music. but will see lar.

Maybe trying new recipes will help. hmm. haven't tried making sth in ages already. saw freesia's try in chocolate cheesecake. looks pretty good i must say (:

anyway, i shall go read my articles now. cant type too loudly, cuz it's distracting for the guy working behind me.

Swim and tan here i come yay.

ciaos,
cherri

Note to self

it's been an awful late night ytd. but what can i say for i found trouble myself.
i love how the thunder sounds- terrifying yet calming at the same time. For this is what i need. it's not a glamorous thing to say what happened last night but i wanna state it down to rmb. to look back. And afterall, to note to myself how ashaming i can be to myself, to those who love me, to those who care for me.

I don't want to lose someone who loves me just because of my stupor. It's not worth it.
I don't want to disappoint those who love me, esp Calvin, anymore than i have cuz it's all too silly.
I don't want to be trouble to those around me.

I wanna speak up more. I must learn to take care of myself more. I must never forget that drinking sorrows is not the best thing. And if im feeling unhappy, not to drink and club.

I must give more love care and laughter to those around me, not tears anger and disappointment.

And it's better to speak out cuz no matter how one looks, he is listening. It's better to face it than to keep it within me and drown it on drinking.

I need to grow up more. I need to be more independent and responsible.

I now know who to turn to talk as well. So, when i need to talk to someone (also means i need to speak up!!), i better turn to those who are genuinely concern.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been stuck on this song for a while now... i guess it's worth a lyrics mention in my entry. i nearly teared while listening to it just now on the bus journey to town to meet alex brandon and ruth with calvin. had a gd time laughing but i know through everything, they are ppl i dn wanna trouble them everytime cuz they're a buncha nice concerned ppl. and it's not fair to them even so to have them take care of me. anw here goes...

Black Eyed Peas- Alive.

[ will.i.am ]
I got so much love
For you darlin' and i,
I wanna let you know how I feel

And its true that I love you
And it's true your the only one and I do,
I adore you
And its true girl
You make me feel alive ive ive ive 4x

[Fergie]
You said - you said - you said
That im the only one
You said that im your number 1
Now your gone and I feel numb
Tell me where do we go wrong
You are my best friend and boyfriend
Now its seems like you're my worst friend
I gotta do soul searching
Without you im a whole different person
I aint acting like I used to
I don't feel loved like I used to
It was your love I was used to
Why do I had to lo-lo-lo-lose
Your love your love your love
Your love is what it was
That have me feeling **bust**
***you are my true love***

[will.i.am]
And its true that I love you
And it's true your the only one and I do
I adore you
And its true girl

You make me feel alive ive ive ive 4x
Hey girl ur the only one
**must** be my number one
Now your gone I feel so numb
Tell me how do we go wrong
First friends then we became best-friend
You used to be my girlfriend
Now your my worst friend
Yeah I gotta do a lil soul searching
Without you im a whole different person

I don't even act like I used to
I don't even feel loved like I used to
I guess its your love that I used to
And I feel bad that I lose you
I get so many things that I wanna sa-sa-sa-sa...
I guess this mean that im missing you
Sorry for the things that I did to you
Im so lost without you

[will.i.am]
And its true that I love you
And it's true your the only one and I do,
I adore you
And its true girl

U make me feel alive ive ive ive 4x
I got so much love
...i adore u and its true girl
You make me feel alive ive ive ive 4x

[taboo]
So easy to fall in love with u
And all the things that u do
Baby girl ur so remarkable
So special, so wonderful
So special, so wonderful
So special, so wonderful

Baby girl ur so remarkable