Wednesday 23 September 2009
first days.
First day of work and school... Din go work, went to see doc. couldnt drag myself outta bed, slept late, couldnt slp. seen the doc. had mc. got to sch late. bachata perf, so got myself a long toilet break ahaha. went to see the sports recruitment too. level 4 hall. saw dajie n janice. was first on their recruitment list. right. though i miss dance, i wanna try sth new. bring out the athletic part of me.
long day... 12 to 6.30. CF then ESAP. the latter was boring. like YAWNS. dang.
ended ESAP early before 6pm. Took 75 to tg pagar. fell aslp on the bus. wow. anw walked to chinatown. met calvin for dinner. porridge place. had raw fish n veg. and peanut butter and jelly brownie from P.Osh that he bought. very nice blend. went to katong to play l4d. normal mode. 2hrs.
Daunt. Vexed. Flustered.
I dno how to face him.. the nearer i was to chinatown, the more i wanna turn away cuz i dno what to expect. But when i saw him, everything seemed like it used to. made me guess the flavour of brownie all the way to the porridge place. things and time that made me laugh and smile. When you held my hands, i felt like everything's serene. and for the first time these days, i dn feel blue. i wanted it to not end.
I will make my chicken stew later. i know i wannna cook it. i know also that if it makes someone happy, i will go out to do so. i sometimes dno why i will do so too. but when i see that smile and elation and ecstatic and excitement, everything seemed worth putting the effort and going all out for. as long as i feel appreciated, i'm happy too.
me
Tuesday 22 September 2009
take the lead.
If you trust the guy to lead, you're trusting him... and yourself.
Maybe i haven't been trusting myself that i can do what i set my mind to, that's why i don't get the results that i want and need. I have to.
Dance is about teamwork and respect.
Similar to a relationship. Both parties need to compromise and work together, not apart. Respect the decisions and see the reasons behind them.
I was watching Take The Lead. Though i fell asleep, i caught half of it in total. I miss dancing. i love the confidence i had. i need it back in me, in my life. that's me. i have to find it back bad.
Monday 21 September 2009
dead.
just kill me.
im not thinking.
i suffering from insomnia.
nth's of interest anymore. not even chocolate.
my bear is my best friend. my comfort (minimal to speak of).
no point trying to think, my brain's dead and so is my heart atm.
leaving myself alone (or in front of the tv) is not a good thing.
i feel drained.
i know i have to find myself. i know i have to reflect and think. but i dont have the energy to do anything already. i jus wanna lie in bed right now. slp and slp. and slp.
i feel like disappearing now. period.
im not thinking.
i suffering from insomnia.
nth's of interest anymore. not even chocolate.
my bear is my best friend. my comfort (minimal to speak of).
no point trying to think, my brain's dead and so is my heart atm.
leaving myself alone (or in front of the tv) is not a good thing.
i feel drained.
i know i have to find myself. i know i have to reflect and think. but i dont have the energy to do anything already. i jus wanna lie in bed right now. slp and slp. and slp.
i feel like disappearing now. period.
Thursday 17 September 2009
sickly blue.
=( im sick. my throat's scratchy itchy. maybe cuz it's in the night... and so i'll start coughing! so my nose is pretty blocked now. hate that feeling cuz i cant get sufficient air into my brain. feels qt f-up. now, the world's outside and im stuck indoor. in cal's house with the tv, breeze and the com. so much for my last day of clubbing. i can start work minus unit trust already. So i gotta brush up on my stuff and the worse is im being pressured now to get things done by this week.
sheesh. free, mei and cheryl are at zirca, and what's most saddening is that this is the last wk for her in sg before she flies back to uk.
cal, alex, louis, brandon and brandon's girl are at butter. i was supposed to go with peiwen to club tonight regardless of venue. oh well, gotta do so next time then.
i wanted to be rebellious and go against what calvin said. "go n dont ever come back", "go back home", etc when i was telling alex on the phone abt me wanting to go club. i was just that inch closer to doing so but i guess im glad i didn't cuz i know he has good intention of making me stay home. cuz i really needed my rest and that im not feeling well. but saying those were really harsh. Leveraging on my dad (even without his "permission") is still way nicer than saying those in " ". honestly, it rings in my mind. must have been pretty bad/ traumatic to have sth leave a deep impression esp when it stays in the head. wasn't THAT upset but if his tone was a lil meaner, im sure i would have strong-headed/ stubbornly done sth foolish like agreeing and grab my stuff outta room. honestly, im really relieved that i was clear-headed enough to think.
Sometimes it's really tough to "just say/ tell me whatever you think" cuz i know if i do so, i'm really screaming out for trouble. i could have told him off many a times how nasty/ ridiculous/ horrendous/ utter absurd he was, but i chose not to do so atm. cuz by screaming out for negative attention is the worst move. esp with friends around. for example, ytd with alex and gang, he took my an pan jap pancake and refused to return to me. even after shoving it in my face twice asking if i want, didn't make me move an inch/ reply after the first time i couldn't get it back. and it was only when the pancake was half eaten that it was on the table, in front of me. i really wanted to just leave it there when we were leaving. it definitely would have brewed a storm cuz of my strong-headedness. but, i believe in a relationship, we give and take and complement. no point fighting with someone who was just hungry yet teasing. SIGH. cuz i think he tolerated me as much as i do. i dno how to judge quantity but at least i know of examples to back me up with.
he has his moodiness, i have my randomness. both are nonsense lar. but i enjoy times when we both laugh and smile and tease and bicker and at the end of the day, they are memories that keep us going... think back and smile. for we've been thru really happy ones. we say the same thing, we laughed at each other, we poke fun at one another...
Come to think of it, it took me a long while to be able to laugh at myself. cuz sometimes, i do the most silly stuff, say the most silly things, coin the weirdest words. but the egotistical me gets the better of me still... hmm.
Michelle just asked on my wall if i wanna go butter this sat. well, we'll see abt that again after i ask calvin.
ytd was real hectic man travelling up and down is more than costly. it's draining.
went killiney at pomo for my breakkie then ps to withdraw money to pay my sch fee which is where i headed next. then rushed to parkview for trg. later went back to orchard to meet calvin and alex and friends. was pretty tired already but went for a game of left4dead.
And that was what left me tossing and turning in bed cuz of the scenes in the game. normal mode was tougher. and 2hrs of it did pass by real quickly. yet the images stayed vividly in my mind. nice, so nice. i was so tempted to occupy the space next to cal (which somehow he asked me mins before that he's gonna leave space for me. i dno his reason. but seemed pretty psychic huh!). but no, i din have the heart to wake the already-fast-asleep him up. good gracious me...
im feeling all blue. sian, gotta be up early later at 9am so gotta get to bed soon to recuperate anw. see you all later then world.
love,
me
sheesh. free, mei and cheryl are at zirca, and what's most saddening is that this is the last wk for her in sg before she flies back to uk.
cal, alex, louis, brandon and brandon's girl are at butter. i was supposed to go with peiwen to club tonight regardless of venue. oh well, gotta do so next time then.
i wanted to be rebellious and go against what calvin said. "go n dont ever come back", "go back home", etc when i was telling alex on the phone abt me wanting to go club. i was just that inch closer to doing so but i guess im glad i didn't cuz i know he has good intention of making me stay home. cuz i really needed my rest and that im not feeling well. but saying those were really harsh. Leveraging on my dad (even without his "permission") is still way nicer than saying those in " ". honestly, it rings in my mind. must have been pretty bad/ traumatic to have sth leave a deep impression esp when it stays in the head. wasn't THAT upset but if his tone was a lil meaner, im sure i would have strong-headed/ stubbornly done sth foolish like agreeing and grab my stuff outta room. honestly, im really relieved that i was clear-headed enough to think.
Sometimes it's really tough to "just say/ tell me whatever you think" cuz i know if i do so, i'm really screaming out for trouble. i could have told him off many a times how nasty/ ridiculous/ horrendous/ utter absurd he was, but i chose not to do so atm. cuz by screaming out for negative attention is the worst move. esp with friends around. for example, ytd with alex and gang, he took my an pan jap pancake and refused to return to me. even after shoving it in my face twice asking if i want, didn't make me move an inch/ reply after the first time i couldn't get it back. and it was only when the pancake was half eaten that it was on the table, in front of me. i really wanted to just leave it there when we were leaving. it definitely would have brewed a storm cuz of my strong-headedness. but, i believe in a relationship, we give and take and complement. no point fighting with someone who was just hungry yet teasing. SIGH. cuz i think he tolerated me as much as i do. i dno how to judge quantity but at least i know of examples to back me up with.
he has his moodiness, i have my randomness. both are nonsense lar. but i enjoy times when we both laugh and smile and tease and bicker and at the end of the day, they are memories that keep us going... think back and smile. for we've been thru really happy ones. we say the same thing, we laughed at each other, we poke fun at one another...
Come to think of it, it took me a long while to be able to laugh at myself. cuz sometimes, i do the most silly stuff, say the most silly things, coin the weirdest words. but the egotistical me gets the better of me still... hmm.
Michelle just asked on my wall if i wanna go butter this sat. well, we'll see abt that again after i ask calvin.
ytd was real hectic man travelling up and down is more than costly. it's draining.
went killiney at pomo for my breakkie then ps to withdraw money to pay my sch fee which is where i headed next. then rushed to parkview for trg. later went back to orchard to meet calvin and alex and friends. was pretty tired already but went for a game of left4dead.
And that was what left me tossing and turning in bed cuz of the scenes in the game. normal mode was tougher. and 2hrs of it did pass by real quickly. yet the images stayed vividly in my mind. nice, so nice. i was so tempted to occupy the space next to cal (which somehow he asked me mins before that he's gonna leave space for me. i dno his reason. but seemed pretty psychic huh!). but no, i din have the heart to wake the already-fast-asleep him up. good gracious me...
im feeling all blue. sian, gotta be up early later at 9am so gotta get to bed soon to recuperate anw. see you all later then world.
love,
me
Tuesday 15 September 2009
simple things that make me smile.
Hello,
shall keep this short cuz it's really hot to be in a sweater when it isn't cold. Anw, had a pretty long day out but it's pretty enjoyable.
Went with cal to see his timetable then got soya bean drink from selegie soy bean. we went ps to pretty much hang ard. time passed pretty fast as we window shopped. walked back to selegie and green tea frappe from starbucks became my companion along with Allan and Barbara Pease's Body Language. Awesome book that's taking me uber long to finish cuz i dn wanna miss out any details.
Had dinner at the jap place at Pomo. Before that, we went to the toy-catching machine (do you even have a name for them?!) Anw $2 for 2 Scrump. Caught one each try. Omg i was laughing pretty hard cuz the 2nd one, the clip got caught with the side of the toy. Anw dinner was fried salmon skin, yummy chicken drumstick and curry rice with pork n chicken.
This is Scrump. Lilo's toy in the movie. <3 btw, this is not my actual pic.
Hopped down to Ion Orchard and gave aishah a visit at topshop. A&W diet soda from marketplace. Caught The Time Traveller's Wife at Cineleisure.
I felt pretty sad cuz well, one is that the wife has to bear the death and all of the guy. secondly, everytime he travels through time, he may be gone for pretty long and the worse is the uncertainty of being in danger. it's daunting i have to admit. it's that kind of heart-wrenching but simple kinda love. It's a show worthwhile to catch. Which also reminds me that i should go read the book. hmm, like all other books i have yet to complete. or touch for that matter.
That one hour before the movie... Left4dead. Omg i couldn't imagine myself actually being pretty calm less the one off scream. Yeah i know it's on easy mode. But still, i have a sense of accomplishment. haha sue me for cheap pleasure.
To summarize, i love spending time with you, Calvin. Simple things that make me smile. yay. hearts you hun! love.
xoxo, me
shall keep this short cuz it's really hot to be in a sweater when it isn't cold. Anw, had a pretty long day out but it's pretty enjoyable.
Went with cal to see his timetable then got soya bean drink from selegie soy bean. we went ps to pretty much hang ard. time passed pretty fast as we window shopped. walked back to selegie and green tea frappe from starbucks became my companion along with Allan and Barbara Pease's Body Language. Awesome book that's taking me uber long to finish cuz i dn wanna miss out any details.
Had dinner at the jap place at Pomo. Before that, we went to the toy-catching machine (do you even have a name for them?!) Anw $2 for 2 Scrump. Caught one each try. Omg i was laughing pretty hard cuz the 2nd one, the clip got caught with the side of the toy. Anw dinner was fried salmon skin, yummy chicken drumstick and curry rice with pork n chicken.
This is Scrump. Lilo's toy in the movie. <3 btw, this is not my actual pic.
Hopped down to Ion Orchard and gave aishah a visit at topshop. A&W diet soda from marketplace. Caught The Time Traveller's Wife at Cineleisure.
I felt pretty sad cuz well, one is that the wife has to bear the death and all of the guy. secondly, everytime he travels through time, he may be gone for pretty long and the worse is the uncertainty of being in danger. it's daunting i have to admit. it's that kind of heart-wrenching but simple kinda love. It's a show worthwhile to catch. Which also reminds me that i should go read the book. hmm, like all other books i have yet to complete. or touch for that matter.
That one hour before the movie... Left4dead. Omg i couldn't imagine myself actually being pretty calm less the one off scream. Yeah i know it's on easy mode. But still, i have a sense of accomplishment. haha sue me for cheap pleasure.
To summarize, i love spending time with you, Calvin. Simple things that make me smile. yay. hearts you hun! love.
xoxo, me
Thursday 3 September 2009
My girl.
I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
Ooooh, Hoooo.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
Talkin' bout my girl.
I've got sushine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of May With my girl.
--------------------------------------------------
i suddenly started singing this song.... well, for a lil while when im supposed to be pretty much trying to slp. cant help but wanna check out the whole lyrics you see... yay i can slp now.
xoxo,
cherri
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
Ooooh, Hoooo.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
Talkin' bout my girl.
I've got sushine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of May With my girl.
--------------------------------------------------
i suddenly started singing this song.... well, for a lil while when im supposed to be pretty much trying to slp. cant help but wanna check out the whole lyrics you see... yay i can slp now.
xoxo,
cherri
Tuesday 1 September 2009
*pouts*
I checked my results online. and now, i'm thinking very much of what is the right step to take next. Should i take an extra year to do 5, 2 subjects. Or should i just do 7 subs in one year?
I know the consequences behind both decisions. But still i'm undecided at the moment of which is the better way to go about with my academics.
I went for a jog just now and the cool weather helped me to last longer but still, i feel as bad. I've snacked qt a bit today already and i guess a swim and tan tml may probably help even more. Ultimately, i know myself better i guess. I just have to cope with more things.
I have to improve my time management alot this time round... to juggle with work, studies, family and calvin. Hmm... i gotta give it a proper think through this time around. cuz it's pretty much a make or break instance.
I did think about changing unis as well but... maybe that would be the last thing i should consider.
Sigh i cant help but sigh. My camera's not working and it's not helping either since i love to take my surroundings esp my food. Oh well. Hopefully outing with steph tml, shopping and dinner will take my mind off a little. I'm thinking of gg to butter or sth... have a drink with steph and listen music. but will see lar.
Maybe trying new recipes will help. hmm. haven't tried making sth in ages already. saw freesia's try in chocolate cheesecake. looks pretty good i must say (:
anyway, i shall go read my articles now. cant type too loudly, cuz it's distracting for the guy working behind me.
Swim and tan here i come yay.
ciaos,
cherri
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