but what i heard and found out, breaks me even more.
I've spent time talking things out and through, couldn't sleep cuz i know the gravity of the situation but how you put it across hurt me more than anything else could. What's more the stuff i found out, im the cat- curiosity kills the cat.
You said that you hope i thought things through, i just couldn't tell you how much i thought everything that you dont know that i know through as well... So much so deep so tired i was that slowly as the fatigue set in, the less impt ones faded away... i believe those that were left behind is what the heart truly is telling you...
it doesn't matter cuz i dont think you read here anymore so it's really for me to rant and spill my heart's content out in general.
i dont think im thinking too much, but im totally shattered.
which way sld i pick myself up from?
to me, the future matters more and that is what im inclined to go with.... but it doesn't deny me that i wouldn't think of things in the past. i promised that i wouldn't see you in different light since to me, the past is the past.
The future is what matters more.
That is what i believe in. and yes, i have so high a tolerance that many are amazed by it. to have tolerance for such shit that falls upon me. But hey, if you are worth it, why not?
i guess that's what you feel too.... with everything in retrospect, every situation is different and i can never compare apple to pear, how pear is to mango. even when they are fruits, matter of fact.
i feel as confused and uncertain, im trying to digest and keep myself together to get everything right in my mind to move on right: if im not supposed to do things, i better not do it. i shouldn't test boundaries and let anyone feel that they don't matter to me/ taken for granted.
i feel obligated and suffocated at the same time. i just need to think. properly. right. through.
maybe like what J said: don't think so much, just be a good girl and behave.
period.
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