reflection.

I'm lucky that i had a chance to have lived through times and moments tog with you. 'Cuz times with you were good while it lasted.

I know you're not doing well there too. Like me.
It's with or without you. It's like with or without me.

Someone once asked me "Do you think he'll be happier with you... or without you in his life?"
I really can't answer. I can't give an absolute answer. Cuz it takes two to clap. Cuz it is an obvious pain. And Mariah Carey's Bye Bye wrenches my heart whenever i listen to it on my pebble. Many a times i wanna tear. I wanna cry so hard that i hope tears can patch every pain that we're going through. But i know better that it wouldn't.

Holding back tears is probably one of the worst things to do. Like how saying bye bye is. I am reluctant to do so.

It's so difficult to type this, esp when im in the library and tears welled up, blinding my sight yet i dn wanna have my tears roll down. I'm a big girl now; i must think and act like one.

There are alot of questions in my mind now. But i know, focus on them will not help. Directing my energy on the positive stuff will.

It's challenging to make improvements- especially self-improvements. Cuz it means admitting that you're not perfect; that you have to go through thorough adjustments sometimes. But changes are necessities. No matter how tough it gonna be, i know i have to go through them... To be a better person, to be a stronger me and for all those around me too.

Through critisms and negative experiences, I have to brave through them all to see the rainbow. And maybe after then, i'll find the pot of gold. But i can't predict what the future is. But resolute i have to be. RESOLUTE. DISCIPLINED. RESPONSIBLE. I have to grow up even more. That i know.

But I only know one thing right now:
That i hope to see you happy. That you'll be truly happy.

I want to be there for you... But if it's tough for you, then i'll rather not. See i dislike such a dilemma.
Only time will tell... Just follow you heart...

With or without me.
With or without you.