astrology.

I am really restless now, thanks to the lack of knowledge and practice. let's see:

CF 5th may wed
MM 7th may fri
MSM 11th may
ESAP 26th may

And i wonder why im always restless. Even if you don't believe in astrology, suck it up. I read mine in more accuracy and i couldn't believe myself. I do have an inner restlessness. Can't remember why though. How true can that be? wow.

And astrology in details (not those kind you normally read in the papers) is actually freakily true.

okay, enough of astrology stuff... need to sit and study now.

cherri

happy birthday freesia!! =D

hope you have fun!! whichever fun means. =p

sian, if only blogspot has an app on iphone like livejournal... cheeze, it's so windy here in his room. makes me sleepy. and being sick = lethargic. im feeling all aching again. guess i'll just yi du gong du since the other stuff doesnt work well. yi du gong du works better for me ;)

ah, lazing at home should be a one-day affair only. 2 days still okay. 3 days, and im already fidgetive. gotta starting working... study-working, work-working and working-out-working. im growing sideways with no brains and no income. =(

okay, gonna work that pig sunny-side up x 1.

ciao.

hello all.

There were many times i wanted to blog, but i decided not to. Once, i turned to my diary. Others, i just slept on it. Feelings, now, aren't very much of must write to speak my mind out. I try my best to speak them out. Sometimes, you feel that im deliberately doing it to you. But really, some of them are either for fun or that's how i feel. Well now, having said that, i don't see a need to blog when i speak my mind out.

Anyway, CNY has come and gone. February has. 2 years. pretty long with ups and downs. very trying. And March has half gone by. The past few days have been good on a whole. generally been pretty happy. maybe just for the mood swings on both sides. But alas, life is life. nth's perfectly awesome or awesomely perfect. im happy having you with me. i hope having me with you too (: kidnapped for a week, i realised! got everyone missing me at home.

terri and sherri are playing the xbox. weird. mom's busy as usual. dad mentioned rabbit, so i took him out to play. and wanted to WALK THE RABBIT. failed miserably. let him off the leash. thought he wanted to suicide. grabbed him, and hugged him while running back into the house. frightened me. omg.

I rmb clutters... i must clear my clutters... physical ones are pretty done. im glad on the exterior visuals. interior are mostly done. except for 2 areas. minor ones.

finally uploaded photos onto fb... slow and steady. sucking my youth away... then again, i have my MM to read. So, good deal. keeps me awake. and typing this too... entertains me. and gosh, it's 3.07am!

Looking at the photos, it got me thinking how the trip was. I can't remember the minor details. I rmb the feelings. Mostly neutral, wishing things werent the way they were. Then again, they weren't uber upsetting or angry. they werent just of jubilant. having to see the world is good. i feel fortunate to have done so. i enjoyed the company mostly, i liked the atmosphere of holiday, i like the structures. makes me feel at home in uk. Just reminiscing now... glad i had you for the trip. even if it werent of romance, u made us laugh for the most part i rmb. Gee, i think i rmb the good and not the bad... oh well, isnt it better that way?

okay, i shall continue to upload and hit the books now... HUNGRY argh.

ALways on my mind...

wanna be with you. be there for you. and you for me. sounds good, yes?

Happy birthday Pang Zi. Can't wait to SEE YOU!!<3

*cherri.

PS: BITCH: Babe In Total Control Of Herself.

period. ;)

2010.

Havent gotten down to sitting in front of my com, cant really blog on my iphone either. it's been a joy and distraction, i tell you...

nonetheless, i had a rather enjoyable london/ paris holiday. havent gotten down to uploading photos up or even emailing them. shall find the excitement to first.

it's been a few days since the new year... i started monday 4th jan not really the right way, not optimistic. been boggled down by many things in my head. every bits and pieces.

ytd 5th jan, tues, was better. and it'll get better...

sets in...

i am, but myself. i know i exists for people. (half) my reason, suddenly, seems missing. i feel like i cant do anything anymore. i will, but i don't live truly by my motto.

reality sets in even more now, sinks into the thick skull. no rhyme, no reason, no justification. it is, in no sense anymore.

i will not find a rebound, like what you've said. but worse off, i don't think i'll get emotionally attached to anyone even when i date. cuz i can't bring myself to go through this sort of draining process. it hurts. and maybe, just maybe, no one will make me feel this same way of elation.

materialistically, time and money may tell. but deep inside, i know my answer. and i wish i know yours. and how i wish even more that i can tell the future. you know how i like to read- front, middle n end; sometimes, i just skip the middle.

i just feel empty now. i don't know how now. i am lost.

for you.

Alcohol, take care of yourself and keeping your words.

Some 3 things that appears to be difficult to do, esp the first 2.

Suddenly, i feel very lost at this moment. like what i said, i feel so much but i cant put the right words to the feelings. it's like a turmoil inside. it's like a tornado. i didn't tear as much as anyone else would normally do, but it's the inner massive destruction that hasn't been expressed outward yet. it'll definitely take some time to be. and if that happens, i think no one and nothing can stop me. emotional wreck. right now, i know my face is blanked out. featureless. sad.

i'll never forget how it feels like to be sitting there, just before the "meyer rd" sign. that place will never be the same again. sitting there talking abt the break-up, talking abt the past and future. i wished i could stay there the whole night, for i know that we'll not do that again. i never knew how you felt all, i guess i nv will.

i know you read this blog, it'll be nice to see your comments sometime k? call me out for a coffee sometimes. i'll try to do the same. try. emo sms minimal. u gotta stick around anw.

thank you, calvin. for the happy and sad times, for going the ups and downs with me. for making my life colourful. at the very least, you make me happy. you make me smile. you make me realise i can be a better person. at least i know, i can be important to someone. i can make ppl change. and i love you, always do.

it's not going to be easy. everywhere i go, everything i see, esp in my room, i see things of us. memories of us. i'll try to let go, *shakes head* not gg to be an easy task. u have half of me, letting go half of myself feels not right. every night, my bears and stitches i have to see, reminds me of us. i guess i stubbornly will not put them away.

well, we'll enjoy this trip tog, try to. i dno how to face you and your parents. i dno how to appear in front of them. what should i do, tell me please?

there is, a future for us, to be seen or predicted?

will not be, will never be?

deep inside, i'm hoping it'll be, will be.

and you think.

After gym on tues, i was talking to my sis while in the changing room. later, she texted me and she mention:

Just cherish and grow. Those who give u chances despite ur failings are those who truly understand u.

I have been pondering on it whenever i see the sms. Feelings within me, i can't explain. And while packing my table, i came across the envelope which i scribbled lots of things on. Sth that hit me qt abit was changes must come from within. You must first want to change.

Sis smsed before the previous msg, Don't stress yourself on unnecessary stuff. Time is precious so cherish and put all ur best on the best things in life! Everything has it's reasons and purpose... ;)

I'll leave it open-ended. But truly, smiles abound the sadness. you'll understand it then.

Happy am i to spend time with you. be it just a tan and a movie and a quick breakkie. and to solve the qn after your given clue, real cool, delighted.

I wish i knew God's reasons and plans. Albeit not knowing, we all live lives still figuring it. Auntie Anne told me to enjoy the holiday, i can't rmb what preluded to it. thinkthinkthink.

PS: happy birthday nana (: hope you are doing alright there...