winner at a losing game.

by Rascal Flatts

Baby, look here at me
Have you ever seen me this way?
I've been fumblin' for words
Through the tears and the hurt and the pain.
I'm gonna lay it all out
On the line tonight.
And I think that it's time
To tell this uphill fight goodbye.

Chorus:
Have you ever had to love someone
That just don't feel the same?
Tryin' to make somebody care for you
The way I do
Is like tryin' to catch the rain.
And if love is really forever,
I'm a winner at a losin' game.

I know that baby, you've tried
To find me somewhere inside of you.
But, you know you can't lie
girl you can't hide the truth.oh noo
Sometimes two hearts
Just can't dance to the same beat.
So I'll pack up my things,
And I'll take what remains of me.

(CHORUS)

BRIDGE:
I know that I'll never be the man that you need or love
Yeah, baby it's killin' me to stand here and see
I'm not what you've been dreamin' of

(CHORUS)

Oh, oh, oh, if love is really forever
I'm a winner at a losin' game!

Oh, oh im tired of losin'

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It has this country feel, with very lovely beat and lyrics. wow. but i hear and looked outta window, of the bus and train and everything with the transparent thing. And i wonder what's it supposed to feel really. is it like this, or is it sth else? i kept thinking, but to no avail. i cant figure what i really feel. perplexed.

manyathinking.

I lost my motivation to even wake up, so my body sleeps for long. like way longer than it's supposed to be. it's bad, it could be as long as 10hrs. i used to sleep like that, yes, but i got used to even jus 5hrs. anw, sleeping is a pleasure.

Nana's back to Philippines and we're to get everything tog at home altogether. but i feel closer to my family- gg gym with terri, having dinner with mommy and daddy, taking time to even just chat with sherri for half an hour before rushing off. you know, these small activities do help.

I heard your voice, all chirpy and upbeat, got me feeling happy. got me thinking... but i'll keep what i thought out of blog. i'm just happy for you to be happy. cuz it is impt to me. SIGH.

I asked Auntie for the itinerary for the trip cuz i wanna visit cousin in London! but she told me that will probably confirm at the tour agency on fri. requested to revert the plans AND cost then. Then she told me that we'll speak soon and goodnight. Ouhkay. Friday's tml. heh! And no, i wouldn't give you even half of it, Calvin, you wish harder okay!

Got a jab for my rash last night. I'll rather a jab than a slower curing oral medicine. Anw, doc said it's probably allergy (don't know to what) but triggered by either food or mosquito bite while in Tg Pinang. Since sun when i was back.

Tg Pinang was destressing. Lovely night sky i have to sky! too bad, couldn't take the halo over the moon. oh well, no choice, camera din allow. but it was pretty awesome! diving trips should be the same as well, i reckon! yay! can't wait can't wait.

Still thinking should i go zoukout or not. Pretty pricey things for a clubbin event sorta. well, and it's okay free and char that i know gg. not much of motivation or things to look out for leh. well, still thinking.... ....

okay, waiting for sherri reply me on where the cable to the LG phone is. i wanna upload the jab photo to fb! my first jab outside mandatory grounds k!! =P was so excited that my doc allowed and posed for me la, so cute eh! well then, much said, listening to music and online when i'm to study my MM. Back to paper pages now. Cya!

xoxo,

cherri

PS: i dno how to go gym with a weak left arm. crap! =\ oh and L4D2 is out LONG ago and i havent use the frying pan or guitar to whack zombies!! RARR!!

i'm sorry.

i wish i didn't feel emo the whole day, then i guess i would have enjoyed my day even more. while waiting for my friend to pick me up, after camwhoring, i decided to view my past photos. I watched the videos we took. Laughed so hard at this particular one which was taken in the Cathy. With the two bears. so farnie, i laughed so hard and had to repeat it at least 3 times.

But i felt worse after that. Cuz it made me realise how i really miss times tog, miss you.

RARR.

miss you...

listen.

and there i sat, listening to the music being played. and on comes jason mraz... twice.

i so wanted to send you a msg, a part of the lyrics. but i held back.

i rmb we said not to send emo msges.

i listened on, sang along, thinking of the good times while i indulged in b&j.

and since i cant send such unconventional smses, i can only say it here.

that i miss holding your arm and hand.

that i miss you. havent seen you, your face, your smell.

i wonder if you do too.

and lovely lyrics you shared, i just dl-ed the songs. shall listen later.

i wonder if you miss me too...

yue ding.

Listening to the piano start, it brought me back to the familiar tune i've heard when i'm at a bar. (most of the newer chinese songs i hear them in bars... and i learnt them there too.) Like shifted paradigm, i time-traveled back to those instances in bars. Especially those sweet times. Those times you did things that made me smile. Those times i hear songs that nearly make me tear.

You told me that you wanna cry cuz of this song. i told you dont cause i will before you. And i know certainly i will....

And listening again to the song, reading the words... Tears welled up... oh well...

Life's been crazy... the weird colourful. but it's not the colourful that i want...

sometimes love comes around.

i'm glad it was the earphone that was problematic, not the mp3 player. i've been waiting and trying to see if it's the player. finally, tried on with another earphone and found the root of it. i would have been very upset to know my belated present would be spoilt just abt a month with me, you know. and especially knowing myself being sentimental, it would have been rather devastating. Thank God.

I've got too many things to do, too little time. Someone just help me out maybe? My 24hrs is already maxed out (just like the credit limit of a credit card). I don't seem to sleep enough now, unless i'm forced to. perhaps that's why i like sleeping over at his place. anw, i guess i feel like doing the procrastinated stuff like packing up my table... i'll most probably end up sleeping in class later. or maybe during bfc as well.

I really feel like going on a hiatus. Cold wintery holiday. mmm... the sound of it is rather yummy hurhur. But really, i do hope so. Tanjong Pinang should be a good start, hopefully.

Sometimes ignorance is a bliss yet ironically, human are curious. and curiosity kills the cat. Some thoughts or events can be heart-wrenching when thought upon. Even songs i used to love saddens me. Eyelid twitches, refusal to continue. But i press on to face it. Blame me for being stubborn. But i'm persistent. I believe what i want to believe in unless you convince me. now, it isn't really that difficult to get me to your camp, if i see a reason to. That simple; just reason things out.

Okay, today ain't as bad as ytd. But we din get to blade today. But i got photos uploaded. Got work done. Sch work not done. Made people happy. Made others sad. Deep inside, i feel empty sometimes. But i struggle on. very mao dun at times, i admit.

At every stage and junction in life, we face different problems, different people. Ultimately, it says one thing. Determination to get to where you want to be.

And in life, i want to be happy.

iloveyou.