i'm sorry.

i wish i didn't feel emo the whole day, then i guess i would have enjoyed my day even more. while waiting for my friend to pick me up, after camwhoring, i decided to view my past photos. I watched the videos we took. Laughed so hard at this particular one which was taken in the Cathy. With the two bears. so farnie, i laughed so hard and had to repeat it at least 3 times.

But i felt worse after that. Cuz it made me realise how i really miss times tog, miss you.

RARR.

miss you...

listen.

and there i sat, listening to the music being played. and on comes jason mraz... twice.

i so wanted to send you a msg, a part of the lyrics. but i held back.

i rmb we said not to send emo msges.

i listened on, sang along, thinking of the good times while i indulged in b&j.

and since i cant send such unconventional smses, i can only say it here.

that i miss holding your arm and hand.

that i miss you. havent seen you, your face, your smell.

i wonder if you do too.

and lovely lyrics you shared, i just dl-ed the songs. shall listen later.

i wonder if you miss me too...

yue ding.

Listening to the piano start, it brought me back to the familiar tune i've heard when i'm at a bar. (most of the newer chinese songs i hear them in bars... and i learnt them there too.) Like shifted paradigm, i time-traveled back to those instances in bars. Especially those sweet times. Those times you did things that made me smile. Those times i hear songs that nearly make me tear.

You told me that you wanna cry cuz of this song. i told you dont cause i will before you. And i know certainly i will....

And listening again to the song, reading the words... Tears welled up... oh well...

Life's been crazy... the weird colourful. but it's not the colourful that i want...

sometimes love comes around.

i'm glad it was the earphone that was problematic, not the mp3 player. i've been waiting and trying to see if it's the player. finally, tried on with another earphone and found the root of it. i would have been very upset to know my belated present would be spoilt just abt a month with me, you know. and especially knowing myself being sentimental, it would have been rather devastating. Thank God.

I've got too many things to do, too little time. Someone just help me out maybe? My 24hrs is already maxed out (just like the credit limit of a credit card). I don't seem to sleep enough now, unless i'm forced to. perhaps that's why i like sleeping over at his place. anw, i guess i feel like doing the procrastinated stuff like packing up my table... i'll most probably end up sleeping in class later. or maybe during bfc as well.

I really feel like going on a hiatus. Cold wintery holiday. mmm... the sound of it is rather yummy hurhur. But really, i do hope so. Tanjong Pinang should be a good start, hopefully.

Sometimes ignorance is a bliss yet ironically, human are curious. and curiosity kills the cat. Some thoughts or events can be heart-wrenching when thought upon. Even songs i used to love saddens me. Eyelid twitches, refusal to continue. But i press on to face it. Blame me for being stubborn. But i'm persistent. I believe what i want to believe in unless you convince me. now, it isn't really that difficult to get me to your camp, if i see a reason to. That simple; just reason things out.

Okay, today ain't as bad as ytd. But we din get to blade today. But i got photos uploaded. Got work done. Sch work not done. Made people happy. Made others sad. Deep inside, i feel empty sometimes. But i struggle on. very mao dun at times, i admit.

At every stage and junction in life, we face different problems, different people. Ultimately, it says one thing. Determination to get to where you want to be.

And in life, i want to be happy.

iloveyou.

Watcha Say?

You feel better this way without us quarrelling?

Sure, the big time quarrels got me suicidal. But I miss the small bickers. Those tsks. Those eye-gorging replies/ reactions. I think i can cope with everything else that's in my path. Doctor advised exercise and better slping n eating patterns/ habits. And my parents don't know what im going through. Sisters know about me seeing the doc only. Jogs help me to relieve/ destress.

Blading with you makes me smile. I think alot after those sessions. It's nice to see you happily blading fast, carefree. Teases. Talks. And the nature helps me think a little better than urbanized parts of this small dot. I'm better now, the wounds on my palms are healing pretty fast (: no worries. next time, i'll get the guards so that i can try stunts more daringly! =D

_watcha say?_____________

[Chorus]
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did you say
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
(Jason Derulo)
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is

[Verse 1]
I was so wrong for so long
Only tryin´ to please myself (myself)
Girl I was caught up in her lust
When I don´t really want no one else
So no I know I should of treated you better
But me and you were meant to last forever

[Hook]
So let me in (let me in) give me another chance (another chance)
To really be your man
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn´t know what to do
But when I become a star we´ll be living so large
I´ll do anything for you
So tell me girl

[Chorus]
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Whatcha say (whatcha say)
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say?

[Verse 2]
How could I live with myself
Knowing that I let our love go (love go)
And ooh what I do with one chance
I just gotta let you know
I know what I did wasn´t clever
But me and you we´re meant to be together

[Hook]
So let me in (let me in) give me another chance (another chance)
To really be your man
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn´t know what to do
But when I become a star we´ll be living so large
I´ll do anything for you
So tell me girl

[Chorus]
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Whatcha say (whatcha say)
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say?


[Verse 3]
Girl tell me what to say I (say I)
I don´t want you to leave me
Though you caught me cheatin´
Tell me tell me what to say I (say I)
I really need you in my life
Cuz things ain´t right girl

Tell me tell me what to say I (say I)
I don´t want you to leave me
Though you caught me cheatin´
Tell me tell me what to say I (say I)
I really need you in my life
Cuz things ain´t right

[Hook]
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn´t know what to do
But when I become a star we´ll be living so large
I´ll do anything for you
So baby whatcha say!

[Chorus]
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Mmmm that it´s all for the best?
Because it is
Mmmm whatcha say
Ooh that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say
Whatcha say (whatcha say)
wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say?

NOW I FKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HELPLESSNESS REALLY REALLY MEAN.

When you're up at 6.30am, saw 3 sms and a missed call all from the same person. and you really want punch yourself for not switching your phone to normal mode after you were ensured that he's fine. And then you called back only to find that you feel that you falling aslp didn't mean anything but crap. and you cant do anything at the moment to turn back 3hrs ago and that the person's not well and you cant drive all the way down. the least bit of consolation? he can take the cab and get home himself now. you feel rotten. i feel worse.